The making of the modern dad

Knowledge is power

The role of dads in the UK has changed beyond all recognition in the past 50 years. Today, fathers no longer want to be limited to the role of family breadwinner and disciplinarian; they want to be true co-parents, providing nurture and care to their children. This change is due in part to the rise of two-earner households, reductions in hospital-based post-birth care and an absence of geographically close extended family, requiring dad to step in. But as we in the research community have learned more about who dad is biologically and psychologically, and the unique role he plays in the family, fathers have felt empowered to get involved, safe in the knowledge that they are as important to their kids and family as mum is.

Dads should be at the birth

Fathers became a regular fixture in the birthing room in the 1970s and today 96% of men attend the births of their children. But we are still not quite sure what to do with them. Despite the evidence that parents-to-be see childbirth as a team experience, and that a dad’s presence increases good outcomes for mum and baby, many fathers are still made to feel a bit like spare parts, the bag carrier rather than an equal player. This is compounded by the guidance our health professionals receive regarding birth. The 88-page National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (Nice) birth pathway fails to mention the words “dad” or “partner”. Because mums undergo such an overtly physical experience during childbirth, we can forget that dad is also undergoing a significant psychological and physiological change. Being at the birth is important not only as a foundational moment for the family but for the bond he builds with his child and the ease with which he takes on the mantle of “dad”. Time for a significant cultural rethink.

Fatherhood is instinctive

We tend to believe that mums are instinctive parents, but dads must learn. In fact, dads are as biologically primed to parent as mums. All new fathers experience a permanent drop in testosterone around the birth – up to a third in some cases. This drop is crucial as it not only motivates the father to be an empathic and sensitive hands-on parent, but it also removes the inhibitory impact of high testosterone on bonding hormones, ensuring that dad gets a good hit of feelgood chemicals whenever he interacts with his new baby. Add to this brain changes that increase nurturing, attention, empathy and problem-solving and dad is as biological a phenomenon as mum. No more relegation to secondary parenting role for him. He is a true co-parent.

Fathers build unique bonds

Dads build profound and powerful bonds with their children which are as strong as, but crucially different from, those built between a mother and child. Both mums and dads build their bonds based on nurture but dad’s has an added element of challenge and this reflects his role in scaffolding his child’s entry into the world beyond the family. Regardless of culture, fathers are seen to push developmental boundaries and introduce their children to risk and challenge, which helps them build the mental and physical resilience they are going to need to survive in our fast moving and challenging world. And one of the most effective ways they do this is through play.