Whether it's a partner, a friend, or a colleague Sometimes people just aren't in the right place to be a good friend, or there's a personality clash that means you bring out the worst in each other. Other times, though, that person just doesn't want the best for you. Yes, it's horrible but true.
There are the signs that make you think twice about pursuing a relationship or friendship:
Signs a person is toxic
-You're left feeling emotionally exhausted after an encounter with them.
"You always leave them feeling emotionally drained."
We leave encounters with some people feeling uplifted, loved, inspired, or just the same as we went into them, but you might notice that with others you come away feeling drained.
People experiencing emotional exhaustion often feel like they have no power or control and can end up feeling apathetic towards things or people.
- They try to intimidate you to get their way
"Use [of] intimidation or threats to get their way."
If you feel you've been manipulated or bullied into making a choice or committing to an action that, on reflection, you feel is either wrong or benefits another at your expense, then it might be worth considering whether the person who pushed you into the situation is toxic.
- They try to control you by guilt-tripping
"Guilt-tripping ('you love me or you're my friend so you have to do this thing for me')"
Similar to the point above, being emotionally bullied into doing so is another form of toxicity.
If someone uses your care, love, or goodwill against you in order to gain themselves, that person does not have your best interests at heart and might do you more damage in the long run than you think.
- They are easily jealous
"The manipulator is so jealous that they try to control the target in an unhealthy way."
This one is tricky because not all boundaries are valid. Toxic people use 'boundaries' as a means of control, and then play the victim role when their 'boundaries' are crossed or not respected.
- They constantly see themselves as a victim
"I have a friend who wonders why everyone leaves them and feels like they're victimized constantly. Of course, if you call them on it, all of a sudden, you're 'victimizing' them too."
A toxic person won't see themselves as toxic and if their actions come back to bite them, they are happy to shift blame and paint themselves as the victim — and they'll probably believe they are too.
- They give backhanded compliments
"Even when giving a compliment, it has to have a little negative on it."
Sometimes a toxic person in your life won't want you to feel good about yourself, because that undermines their own confidence.
They feel the need to belittle, drag-down, and humiliate others — even friends — in order to make themselves feel better and reinstate the hierarchy in the relationship.
- They're overly defensive
"They use their friends as the butt of their jokes to impress people.
"The second someone confronts them about it, or jokes about them, they get upset."
They're all too keen to use you as the punch line, but when the tables are turned or they're called out on their actions, they don't react well and get overly defensive.
The most important thing of all is to just trust your gut.
Think about how someone makes you feel about yourself... Are you on a high after seeing them? Or do they knock your confidence? So, leave the toxic peoples from your life and connect with the people who love you for who you are, and leave you feeling on top of the world after each meeting.
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